Mel gets some bits of paper

Despite my apparently calm appearance, by this time I am very tense, and can hardly write down notes about what he’s said because I am shaking so much. Nonetheless I do make a note of what the twit has said, and head towards my friend Sue who has a pinata stall outside Dixons.

I sometimes find it difficult to deal with people who are apparently making up rules just to victimise me and consequently I find it difficult to stay calm while I’m telling Sue what has happened. Sue is amazed at the ridiculous behaviour of the man.
I am still telling Sue what had happened when the man in the nylon shirt comes back with some bits of paper. (I guess it’s around 12.15pm by now) He does not have a copy of the Peddlar’s act 1871 but one laser-printed memo on BANES headed notepaper (Helvetica again I’m afraid, with apparently random sections of it in Helvetica bold). The department concerned is called “Environmental & Consumer Services”, the date is “June 2004” (funny, it feels as though it has only just been printed, so surely it should be dated “17th August”. It is not signed, but has apparently been written by Mal O’hagan, the man in the nylon shirt. It looks like this:

The memo is comprehensible in parts, but sections of it are difficult to understand or simply nonsense. For example, one paragraph reads (in Helvetica bold): “Please note that this letter will constitute official notification of the requirements outlined above”.
Eh? What does that mean I wonder.

Nonetheless there is no part of the memo that indicates I am doing anything wrong, and there is nothing in it that refers to the long list of things the man in the nylon shirt had said I was doing wrong earlier. He also has two other bits of paper for me which look as though they are abstracts from documents, the important parts of which are missing. They are essentially nonsense without the missing bits. One is apparently a photocopy of the back of a Pedlar’s Certificate and the other could be a photocopy of a page of a council document (in Times this time, random sections of it in Times bold).

Mal gets out a cheap Polaroid camera and starts taking photographs of me and the Struggling Retailer while I try and make sense of the bits of paper he’s given me. I ask him to get my good side please, and he does, but then he gets a picture of my bad side too. The man says I am to sign his form to say I have received the document and I tell him politely to forget it mate I’m not signing anything until I’ve read it.

I read the bits of paper and show them to my friend Sue. I ask him what will happen if I don’t sign his form (Helvetica again by the way. Ugh!) , will I get arrested?, and he says no I won’t be arrested for not signing his form so I say "Thanks mate I won’t bother then, see ya later".

The man and his nylon shirt leave.

By this time I am quite upset and find it difficult to concentrate on my work. In fact it takes me hours to relax after this experience. I cannot explain exactly what it feels like, but I experience physical discomfort and am very shakey as a direct result of the man’s ridiculous, threatening and stupid behaviour. I am also somewhat concerned that I may lose my livelihood and be unable to pay my rent.

 

Later...